scorpio new moon
friday, november 1st, 2024 07:47 CST
put the defibrillator down.
it feels hard
because it is hard
the fight
the energy
and exertion it takes to transform.
the cold
the heat
the alchemy
churning the compost heap
this magical
disgusting
heartbreaking
process
no one wants to see how the sausage is made
no one wants to go through the pain of change
but whether done with purpose
done with intent
or done to survive
the result is evident.
the resistance is the same kind of friction
required to choose with conviction.
how is that boxing match with g*d going?
how is it fighting a lightning storm?
punching wind
punching water
punching
just punching
emptiness
suffering
proverbially punching ourselves
aggression feels endless
the why? (shrieks)
will never be answered
in phenomenon
because of the ten thousand variables that made it occur
there is never one answer
for why things are the way they are.
your part is to go deeper
to feel intensely
to mourn
to grieve
the death
of your desire.
this is not about you
and it is all about you
main character syndrome
is a b*tch.
to co-create with reality
means
to co-regulate with it—
reality.
not some summation and fantasy
It takes a sharp knife to cut this dead weight.
It takes a sharp knife to sever invisible threads
it takes a sharp knife to kill something sacred
for it to be reborn.
your love
your wounds
are sacred.
your growth
is sacred
but the sacred
is always something to behold
and never to betray.
sacred is not something contrived
sacred is alchemy
sacred is possibility
is sex birth death magic mourning mystical
it is uncovering what is not visible.
it is perceiving beyond the felt
it is being willing to bathe in what is not known.
let it die so it can be reborn.
stop fighting.
you cannot resurrect
that which does not wish to go on.
let it melt into what’s left
where it will take its place
in this goopy, confusing, beautiful mess
of existence.
THANK YOU FOR YOUR SUPPORT
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Did you hear about the fire at the circus?
It was in-tents.
Intense is an understatement to this week’s mischievous, unpredictable, powerful, transformative, soul-shifting, earth-quaking, eruptive, angry, angsty, wound-salve kind of vibes.
I’m from Des Moines, and on All Hallow’s Eve, aka “beggar’s night,” we had to exchange a joke or simple riddle for our Halloween goodies. This joke exchange tradition, starting in 1938, was a constructive response to the destructive and chaotic forces of a typical Halloween night.
And it is the cutest thing to hear a toddler reciting a cheesy pun they had spent all day memorizing to earn their treat. When prompting teens in Brooklyn, New York for their trick or their “joke” I received odd looks and quick candy grabs, a foreigner in a foreign place.
There is something so wholesome about Des Moines and our May Day traditions of Taurus Season in the Spring and our Fall Halloween Traditions, capping off the axis points of the sweetness of Taurus and the sorrow of Scorpio.
[Damn, wasn’t sure if I would get that segue to work out, but I landed it. Phew.]
Taurus and Scorpio’s axis is one of destructive and constructive/creative forces. This is Shakti and Shiva, this tension of life.
Things must be cleared to make space for what is to come.
In the garden this is true of putting our dying and dead plants to sleep, tearing up, laying down, and composting, the natural process of alchemy, to break down and transform rotting tomatoes into next year’s nutrient-dense compost to enrich the soil for the seedlings to feed from.
We are still in the New Moon phase, however, and I may be getting ahead of myself in bringing in this dynamic of life and death because right now— we are at the accepting death part of the cycle.
And let’s be honest… we are not always excited to see things go.
Summer baby Sun worshippers may travel south to avoid the dark days of winter. Some of us relish the darkening days so our productivity and externalized energy can draw into us, and move internally. We may feel the grief of warm days if you live in Northern climates. We may just be grieving what is known and fearing what is unknown before us.
Election anxiety, fatigue, the post-traumatic triggers of the last years, or a general resistance to whatever personal changes you are forced to contend with in your personal life.
Change sucks. Why do you think static states exist? They need tension, catalysts, something to perpetuate that change, and often it is some chaotic nuisance, some unknown, unforeseen force, change of plans, change of course that blows us into our next adventure, all the while we are gripping to the mast of our boat in the storm, cursing the gods, fearful, grieving the plans we had ahead, the hopes we had stored and anxious af about the unknowns before us.
Fast forward and you have some great fucking stories.
But only some of us are hard-wired to enjoy that tension. Some of us are hard-wired to avoid this kind of tension. Some of us spend a great deal of time rewiring our nervous systems in order to not chase this kind of tension.
Whatever your distress tolerance is, welcome to this season of tension. Welcome grief. Welcome darkness. Welcome tears and fires and fright and fearfulness of what is ahead.
Know that you will get through it.
You have done this before- OR— you have experienced something in your life that will prime you to manage this circumstance, however untenable or earth-shattering it is.
You are in this moment. And if you can stay there, you will be okay. Not now, don’t hold onto that moment — this one.
And now.
And this. Feel the ssss sound in your mouth when you pronounce thissss or mouth and that OW that comes with mouth.
See. you were with yourself for a delightful moment there. Maybe I distracted you from your excruciating heartbreak leftovers of the eclipse season. Maybe I distracted you from the 10,000 things moving through your mind or the harrowing circumstances of your flooded basement or your sick sibling or whatever storm life has blown your direction.
I don’t want to distract you. I want to bring you into your body. I want you to feel where you are and to know, in this breath, and this breath… you are alright.
And then you won’t be. You may have an ugly cry, hell, I’ll join you for it. My lungs are blown out from grief and my eyes are run dry of tears. This sucks. Life sucks. But if you can sit with this stupid for long enough… something will rise out of it.
If you allow the compose to work within your being and not avoid it or stagnate it or avoid it — you will have a cleaner and less stinky compost to nourish the next steps and the next seeds to be planted. I promise you, taking the time to feel all this is going to pay off in the end. You don’t have to shut down.
You can be here with all of this intensity.
That is the gift of Scorpio. To sit with tension and know that it will turn, it will shift, it is the catalyst for growth, change, decomposition, and ultimately— new life.
If you would like to learn more about how this lunation or the current transits impacting you personally…
Schedule the Mirror astrological consult
NOTES FROM THIS ONE…
Getting into a fistfight with g*d is a fruitless task.
This is exactly what life feels like for me right now. Utterly powerless and filled with angst.
I spent years building something, investing love, attention, and — most painfully— hope, only to come to realize it was just a castle made of sand.
My mind immediately drifts to the visuals of Tibetan Mandalas, these tediously constructed visions of beauty, art, and intention formed from colored sand and steady hands. They are created and dismantled with loving grace and focus.
Most simply, they represent the ephemeral nature of this world. A soap bubble. A shifting dune. A dying, drying rose.
All is impermanent. Whatever we build will dissipate. All things end so other chapters may begin.
May your grief be sacred.
stay inspired.
ursidae
